A Hobbit of Thrones
Season 5, Episode 6
Dick Figures - A Hobbit of Thrones (Ep 46)

Dick Figures - A Hobbit of Thrones (Ep 46)

Air date March 27, 2014 (Download)
April 24, 2014 (Mondo)
May 1, 2014 (YouTube)
Episode run time 2:57
Episode guide
The Red Planet
Das Vidiamond

A Hobbit of Thrones is the 6th episode of Dick Figures Season 5 and the 46th episode overall.


A The Hobbit/Game of Thrones mash-up where the characters argue which franchise is better while incredibly high on pot-brownies. But disaster strikes when people start making up their own D&D rules.



(The Episode opens with the 'Hark!' written in cursive as it then shows Blue with Red floating in.)

Red: (to music) Dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun, (sways sword around),dun dun dun dun!

Blue: God damn it! Would thou stop singing that stupid song?! This is Dungeons and Dragons not Game of Thro-

Red: DUUNN dun, dun dun dun!

Blue: Would thou cutist outist?!

(Pink and Stacy walk in holding brownies.)

Blue: Whoa! Thou are playing this time?

Stacy: Yeah bitch! We wanna get that fucking gold! Am I riiight?

Pink: Yeah plus Stacy brought free brownies! (eats a brownie) These are really good. What's in these?

Stacy: You know like Chocolate and Flour and Pot and Sugar and-

Pink: What?

Stacy: Huh?

Blue: Babe, thou looketh mad sexy in that Cosplay outfit. Your givin' me a D-20.

Red: Yeah right! D-4 tops!

Blue: (looks down in dispair) Critical ego strike...

Red: Alright dungeon masturbater let's do this! Where we going?

Blue: Verily! (pulls a map out) So the value troop of warriors trip towards the mountain of gold protected by a CG dragon with a level 19 fire strike of the mighty hammer!

(Pink and Stacy suddenly become high.)

Pink: And then fuckin' cheeseburgers came out of the trees! They're Trees-Burgers! (laughs)

Blue: What are you doing?! I'M running this game!

(The top of a tree suddenly turns into a Cheeseburger.)

Blue: No stop it! You can't just make stuff up!

Stacy: Yeah and it's like... Covered in Candy and like, Jaime Lannister's hair? (The cheeseburger suddenly grows candy and hair)


Blue: Wait, what's in those brownies?

Red: I dunno but I want one!

(Pink and Stacy start eating the burger, Broseph soon comes out with a cape on.)

Broseph: You bras are pretty far north of the wall, hm.

Stacy: You know nothing Bro-Crow!

Broseph: We must keep warm, bra.

(Broseph and Stacy start tongue kissing on the ground.)

Red: Gross! Get a Hobbit-Hole you weirdos!

Broseph: Ha! I got one. Winter's comiiin.'

Red: (shakes in anger and raises his sword) I've got a dragon to slay! (approaches Stacy and Broseph with his sword raised)

Blue: Uhh, and then the troop takes.. (looks at his map) A teleportation spell to the Mountain!

(Red, Blue, Pink and Stacy teleport to the top of a mountain.)

Blue: Hark! We made it! And zoom the dragon!

(The Raccoon comes out of the volcano with wings and horns.)

Raccoon:OOSSHMAAOWG! (laughs low and evily)

Stacy: Tss, yeah right! It's like a furry cloud!

(Raccoon suddenly turns into a cloud with Trollz0r's face on it.)

Trollz0r: Oh, hey guys. Sup?

Pink: That cloud has a face, and I hate it!

Trollz0r: I hate you tooooo!

Pink: And then it disappears and we win and ordered pizza!

Trollz0r: Wait wait, noo!

(Trollz0r explodes and turns into pizza and pizza slices start falling from the sky.)

Blue: Hey you can't do that, that's cheating!

(Red and the girls start dancing.)

Red: Yeah and then the Red Knight opens a Tequila Potion! (A bottle of Vodka appears in Red's hand as he drinks it) Poof!

Blue: Aww what?!

Red: Yea-ha-ha-heah! And the god of funky jams descends upon the land!

(Neptune appears from the sky.)

Neptune: You limbo dims busta moves! Aww yeah!

(Suddenly goes to the real life world with the party still commencing.)

Gelato Bene: (comes in) 'Ey! Did-a somebody order a pizza?

Blue: (sighs) I'm just gonna go play with myself...

Gelato Bene: Uhh, you mean-a, BY yourself?

Blue: I know what I said!

(Episode Ends)

(It then cuts to Blue fapping at the computer but actually throws a dice on the table.)

Blue: There! Finally! Rolled a D-20! Time to jack off.


  • Stacy and Trollz0r's debuts in Season 5
  • This is the first episode where Pink gets high.
  • Second roleplaying episode, the first being Role Playas.
  • Had an animation clip after the ending, it had the same animation style from Dick Figures: The Movie
  • Neptune's first appearance in Dick Figures
  • This was the first episode Broseph actually made out with a girl.
  • This episode MAY have taken place in the Shit Piss Fart woods, but Lord Tourettes was not in this episode.
  • It shows Red may get jealous whenever he sees Stacy making out with another boy.
  • When the Jason cloud exploded, the red in Pink and Stacy's eyes disappeared.
  • The Raccoon references "Lord of the Rings" and "Hobbit" when he says "OOSSHMAAOWG!". It sounds like he's saying "Oh Smaug", Smaug being a character from "Lord of the Rings" and "Hobbit"

Running Gags

Episode Ending

normal letter I's, the Dick Figures logo shakes, and the Episode Ending is dextended. Then showed an extra animation clip, then a promo for Dick Figures Season 5.

Red Floating

Red was floating at the start of the episode, swinging his sword around while floating.

Auto-Tune Usage



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