Adventures of Batman & The Bloser
Season 3, Episode 1
Dick Figures - Adventures of Batman & The Bloser

Dick Figures - Adventures of Batman & The Bloser

Air date September 22, 2011
Episode run time 4:14
Episode guide
Bath Rhymes (Official Music Video)
Real Dudes Bros Night Man

This is the first episode of season 3 and the 21st episode of the Dick Figures series.


Red, Blue and the rest of the color spectrum are on high alert as Earl Grey, a super-high-class super-villain, threatens to teabag the world into black and white! Guest starring animation contributor, Austin Madison as Earl Grey.



Auto-Tuned Bee: We're back, motherfucker!

(Shots of the city.)

Red (narrating as Batman): This city is a disease. The night is filled with the cries of the innocent as the unjust prey upon the weak. Corruption runs through its veins like a toxin, poisoning its citizens. (He's shown on a rooftop) Crushing every last hope they have. Except for 1... me... (Red's face is shown. He is wearing a cape & he has bat ears on his hat.) Batman.

(Blue walks up, also wearing a cape & mask.)

Blue: Who are you talking to?

Batman: Ah, the Bloser. The world's most depressing superhero. (Scans the city.)

Bloser: I don't wanna talk about it.

Batman: Your name makes you sound like "loser".

Bloser: What? No! It's because I'm blue & I'm a total bruiser. The Bloser.

Batman: Worst, name, ever.

Bloser: Better than freaking Batma--

Batman: Shush, shush, shush, shush. I'm picking something up with my hyper-hearing. (A high-pitched squeaking noise is heard.) It's commissioner Chad Cop! Let's go! (He flies off of the building as Bloser takes the stairs. They both make it to Chad Cop [the officer from Kitty Amazing], who's on the ground, dying & coughing.) What happened here?

Chad Cop: He-- (cough) he flew in and teabagged everybody.

Batman: (laughs) What?

Chad Cop: He said that he wanted to turn the whole world into black & white.

Bloser: The world's already gray to me.

Batman: Shut up, Bloser!

Chad Cop: Oh, my God, he's so depressing.

Batman: Who did this?

Chad Cop: Ugh... You... you have to stop him. We all look... so boring now.

(Chad Cop coughs out grey blood & dies.)

Batman: He's dead.

Bloser: Just like I am inside.

Batman: There's only 1 villain who could be so colorblind.

British villain: (laughs) And that 1 villain is me: Earl Grey!

Batman: You!

Earl Grey: Ah, the city's favorite hero, Batman, and his sad little friend, Bloser. Here to save the day right on schedule. (laughs) Speaking of schedule, IT'S TEA TIME! (Drinks out of cup.)

(He throws his cup at Batman & Bloser, which explodes as the 2 dive out of the way.)

Bloser: Damn that caf-fiend!

Batman: Let's break his bank!

(Batman flies up to Earl Grey, who throws a monocle at Bloser, which cuts his arm.)

Bloser: Aah! A diamond encrusted monocle!

Batman: He's got so much bling!

Earl Grey: (laughs) Quite pathetic, quite. You really wanna play with the upper crust? How about some badminton?

(He uses force to pick up cars and throws them at Batman.)

Batman: In America, we play baseball!

(Batman dives up to the cars. He blows 1 of them up with his lasers '& he kicks the other 1 out of the way)

Earl Grey: Here, it's about time I deposit some of my stocks & bombs!

(He throws the bombs, which turn people of different colors into grey. One of them hits Lord Tourettes, who falls to the ground & turns grey.)

Bloser: Lord Tourettes, no!

Lord Tourettes: Oh, why this shade looks perfectly GAY on me! (Giggles.)

Earl Grey: Oh, no, it appears I've made quite a mess. Butlers! (His butlers appear on the rooftops.) Do my dirty work!

(The butlers jump down at Batman & Bloser, who fight back  all of them. Batman & Bloser use lasers as well as normal fighting.)

Bloser: (whilst shooting a depression beam at the butlers) You're unemployed! You were adopted! Global warming! No one loves you! You're getting old! Your parents are dead!

Batman: (deep voice) Too soon.

Earl Grey: (laughing) Yes!

Batman: (Beating up some butlers) We gotta take out Earl Grey!

Bloser: We need something colorful! (Batman & Bloser continue to fight.) Wait, I have an idea! Red, shoot your eye lasers right when I tell you & this just might work.

(Batman doesn't listen.)

Bloser: Red?!

Batman: That's not my name!

Bloser: (holding a midget butler) Do I really have to?

Batman: Yes. (weakly karate chops a butler)

Bloser: Batman, shoot lasers out of your eyes when I tell you-

Batman: (heroic voice) I'm BATMAN! (flies up)

(Bloser gets a prism out & holds it up high.)

Earl Grey: What? Impossible!

Bloser: Hey, Earl Grey! Know what happens to criminals?

Batman: They go to prism. phew phew!

(Batman shoots lasers at the prism, which reflect into color into Earl Grey. Earl Grey screams & explodes. Colour shoots out at all of the people, who turn back into their original colours, including Lord Tourettes. Lord Tourettes runs up to Batman & Bloser.)

Lord Tourettes: Oh. Fan-FUCKING-tastic, you 2! You're heroes!

Bloser: I was a hero before it was cool.

(Lord Tourettes slaps him.)

(Shots of the city.)

Batman: (narrating) Crime: It will always haunt this city. But where there are thieves, justice will be watching. Where there are liars, the truth will rise to meet them. And where there are villains, there will always be 1 hero ready to fuck their shit up. Me.

(Red is shown on the rooftop with Bloser next to him.)

Batman: Batman!

Bloser: And me, Bloser!

Batman: But, uh, mostly Batman. Justice-ho! (flies away)

Bloser: The Bloser! (Jumps off of the building and falls.) Oh, wait - I can't fly!

-End of episode-

(After credits)

Earl Grey: (off-screen) Prepare for a teabagging, mothafucka.

Dick Figures Title

Dick Figure 16

Adventures of Batman & The Bloser

Running Gags

Auto-Tune Use

The auto-tuned bee at the beginning.

Red Floating

Red flies in this episode as Batman.

Episode Ending

The first I is the outline of Red in his Batman cape and the second I is the outline of Blue in a ordinary cape.

The Last Word Being Cut



  • This is the third time that Red is Batman. The other times were in Flame War and Bath Rhymes.
  • This is the fourth time Red floats more than once. One time happened in Kitty Amazing, Steakosaurus, and Flame War.
  • Blue either reveals that he is color-blind or he is just reactive to the designed backgrounds in the series.
  • Blue got to Comm. Chad Cop first than Red even if he used the stairs.
  • The animation has been changed yet again but it's only minor, the only changes is that the mouth animation is only round and the characters are bolder.
  • Lord Tourettes, unlike Chad Cop and all of the other people who turned gray, seems to be the only one who didn't die when he got hit by one of Earl Grey's bombs, because his eyes didn't turn into x's when he fell to the ground. The eyes of all of the other people who turned gray turned into x's, which is usually shown on a cartoon character's eyes when that character dies. But maybe he didn't die because of his red eyes which still holds the red color when he spazzes.
  • Even though Batman and Bloser don't finish fighting the "dirty work" butlers; the butlers awesomely vanish for the final fight scene between our heroes and Earl Grey.
  • When Blue says "Your parents are dead" Red says "Too Soon!" a reference to Batman where his parents were killed when he was a kid.
  • Blue's name is just "loser" with a B in front of it.
  • Lord Tourette's eye lashes vanish when Blue says "I was a hero before it was cool."
  • First time Lord Tourettes gets annoyed and strikes back.
  • The villain is named after a tea brand.
  • According to Ed and Zack, there will be another episode of Adventures of Batman & The Bloser.
    • This is true, and it is The Fart Knight Rises
    • Another hint is that Earl Grey was speaking at the end a sign he was still alive.
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