Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armada | |
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Season 2, Episode 6 | |
![]() Captain Red Rum and his pirate crew meet the merman Lord Tourettes. | |
Air date | June 30, 2011 |
Episode run time | 2:52 |
Episode guide | |
Previous Fang Angels |
Next Y U So Meme? |
Dick Figures Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armada
Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armada is the sixth episode of Dick Figures Season 2 and the sixteenth episode of Dick Figures. It follows Red and Blue as pirates looking for mermaids.
Plot[]
Red and Blue become pirates and face many sea trials.
Youtube Description: Red and Blue make dat ass kraken in a high seas showdown with Pink's bountiful treasures.
Characters[]
Starring[]
Supporting[]
Minor[]
- Wenches
Transcript[]
(On a pirate ship.)
Red: ♪Ohhh, 13 flies in a dead man's ball sack, 14 holes in a seagull's kayak, 15 spots on the Mask of Rorschach! Earlye in the morning.♪ Avast ye, mate-ster. Shiver me portside and Buckle-swash the poop deck.
Blue: You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?
Red: Nope.
Blue: How can you like being a pirate? Don't you get seasick all the time?
Red: Hogwash! (throws up) (Normal voice) That's just how I sneeze. (Pirate voice) Ahoy, wenches! Blast due southward!
Wenches: Aye-aye, Captain Red Rum!
Purple Wench: (approaching Blue with a drink) Piña colada, Lieutenant Blue Balls?
(Blue sighs and drinks it.)
Blue: (thinking) Piña coladas, whatever, what a girly drink, this is really good. (ends thinking)
Red: Arr, matey, once we find a ♪real live mermaid♪, we'll be rich and famous! And handsome!
Blue: Aaaand, how are we supposed to find one?
(Red shows a fishing pole with a worm on the hook)
Blue: Really?

Pink and company
Red: (casting the line into the water) Yarrr. And now we wait.
Red: (peering through binoculars) HARK! Up the Starbucks bow! (A ship full of women approaches. The captain is Pink.)
Red: Hmm, 'tain't mermaids... (pirate voice) Avast ye, scurvy bitches!
Pink: Avast ye, fucknuts, you're in our waters, now give us your gold!
Red: You're in our waters, now show us all your boobs!
Pink: Nay, hand over your plunder!
Red: Nay, reveal your teats!
Pink: Fork up the doubloon!
Red: Let fly your melons!
Pink: Give us the loot!

Battle ship
Red: Gazongas!
Pink: Never!
Red: (to his wenches) Fire!
(Both ships exchange fire and Pink's ship sinks.)
Red: Hahahahaha! To Davy Jones' arse with ye!
Blue: Holy shit, dude! Did you just kill my girlfriend?!
Red: Pssh, no. 'Tain't official yet.
(Shows Blue's Facester page awaiting confirmation that Blue is in a relationship with Pink. He repeatedly refreshes the page.)
Blue: Any minute now. Any minute.

Blue's facester page
(Shows ship. Someone sings while line is being pulled.)
Red: Mermaid!
Blue: Mermaid?!
Raccoon: Sashimi!
Lord Tourettes (as the mermaid): Hahaha! Whoa! Why hello, young SEMEN!
Red: 'Tis an ugly mermaid.
(Lord Tourettes giggles.) thumb|222px|link=File:OMG.png
Raccoon: I would not eat-a the sushi.
(Lord Tourettes falls onto the deck and grows a pair of human legs. He laughs and Red & Blue scream.)
Blue: OH, MY GOD, HE'S GROWING A....!
Lord Tourettes: Oh, splendid! Now, I'm a real boy!
Red and Blue: SEA DEMON!
Red: Kill him!
(He shoots Lord Tourettes with a pistol, then Raccoon throws his meat cleaver at him and finally Blue pulls a string for the anchor, which hits Lord Tourettes who falls into the water and gets chased by sharks.)
Lord Tourettes: (drowning)...FUCK!...(more drowning)
Blue: Well, we found the mermaid. Can we go home now?
Red: Nay! Because, now we're handsome!
Blue: What?!
Red: Wenches, more piña coladas! (Grabs Blue's piña colada and drinks it)
Blue: Hey, that's mine!
Red: ♪If you like piña--♪
-Episode ends-
(The screen then reads "DICK FIGURES season 1 soundtrack out now on iTunes featuring a hot verse from THE RACCOON!")
Raccoon: (offscreen) What?!
(The screen reads "ONLY $2.99".)
Dick Figures Title[]

Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada
Trivia[]
- This is the second time Red dresses like a pirate, the first time was in Role Playas.
- This is the first time Pink dies.
- When Red mentions "15 spots on the mask of Rorschach", he references the hero of the same name from "Watchmen".
- The episode unveiled the musical score soundtrack of Dick Figures Season 1 on iTunes.
- Facester is a parody of Facebook and Friendster. Even though there is a website named Facester, it is not a social networking site.
- Blue's wallpaper in his desktop are the turtle dragons having sex.
- Red's ship logo is the same one of his ship in, Attack of the Pwns.
- The woman who hit Red with a beer bottle in Panda Hat appears again in this episode on Pink's ship.
- Red Rum spelled backwards is "Murder", which is a reference to the movie, "The Shining".
- Red's pirate outfit is the same costume in Role Playas.
- The rhythm of the song Red was singing in the very beginning is to the tune of a famous sea shant, "Drunken Sailor".
- This episode made it's TV premiere with the thirtieth episode of Like, Share, Die.
[]
- The Dick Figures title was shown in the beginning. At the end of the episode, the credits of Like, Share, Die play instead.
- Racoon's lines were cut out.
- Loud Tourettes shouting "FUCK!" in the water was edited out.
- Pink's line that contained "fuck" in it is censored. Just like Stick Figures Nerve Gas Zombies & Shotguns and We're Cops!
Recurring Gags[]
Auto-Tune Use[]
None
Red Floating[]
When Red says Hogwash and "sneezes" he appears to float.

Red puking. If you look at his position, he floats.
Episode Ending[]
The "I"s in "Dick Figures" were replaced by piña coladas.
The Last Line Being Cut[]
Red was singing "Piña Coladas", first sung at the end of "Attack of the Pwns"