| Role Playas | |
|---|---|
| Season 1, Episode 9 | |
 The storybook. | |
| Air date | March 10, 2011 |
| Episode run time | 2:45 |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Kitty Amazing |
Next Attack of the Pwns |
Plot[]
Maroon and Cerulean go on an epic fantasy quest to rescue Pinkcess.
Youtube Description: Cerulean (aka Blue) hopes to gain +4 charisma points by saving Pinkcess from the Evil King Richard Figures the Long Shaft.
Dick Figures - Role Playas
Characters[]
Starring[]
Supporting[]
- Pinkcess (Pink)
- Lord Tourettes
Minor[]
- Tower Ninjas
Transcript[]
Narrator: Now follows a fabled tale about the brave knight, Maroon and his trusty companion, Cerulean the Wizard, who ventured to a dangerous World of War and Craft to rescue the fair maiden Pinkcess, from the evil King Richard Figures the Long Shaft.
(As the narrator speaks, it shows a real life book with pencil draw images of a Red stick figure with a shield and sword along with a Blue stick figure with a hat. It first shows how they climb a mountain and then how they are besides a castle where a pink stick princess screams 'HELP!'. It finally shows a red stick-man with a beard, cape and crown, with a angry and evil face.)
Maroon (Red): Stand fast, ogre, for I'm about to cleave thee a new butthole!
(He slices open the ogre, killing it. It leaves a pile of gold coins.)
Maroon: Oh, sick. Loot! Ding! (Takes the gold.)
Cerulean (Blue): Dude-eth, if you kill every ogre you see, we'll never rescue the princess!
Maroon: Hell no, gay lord. What is with thy cap and has thou turned thy penis into a stick?!
Cerulean: 'Tis a wizarding cap and 'tis a wizarding wand, so you can just....shutthefuckupicus! Aaaah.
(Cerulean's points his wand to Maroon and the wand makes a long farting sound. Maroon first grins and then facepalms.)
(Time lapse. They approach to a forest, where a sign was writen: Now Entering the SHIT PISS FART WOODS, alongside a green man sitting on a tree trunk and playing a lute.)
Green man: (giggles) Aha. ♪ Weary travelers, Red and Blue, shall I sing a FUCK! (his eyes turn red and his teeth sharpen when he says the bad word) for you? ♪
Cerulean: Umm... what?
Maroon: Fear not, 'tis Lord Tourettes, part of the (makes odd movements with his body) Shit Piss Fart (stops movements) Woods.
(Lord Tourettes giggles, grins, and sticks out his tongue while raising his eyebrows.)
Cerulean: No, thanks. We're kinda gettin' our quest on...
Lord Tourettes: (giggles) Too late! For I've just begun! A tweetle COCK!, and a tweetle BALLS!, pony sparkles, bubblegum. Glitter fairies in my BUTTNAZIASSTHUNDERPUBICHAIRCHODEDOUCHEINMYMOUTH! (Turns back into normal and strums the lute a last time. Maroon raises his sword menacingly.)
(Time lapse. Maroon and Cerulean are walking.)
Cerulean: I can see the castle! The princess is just up ahead!
(Maroon drags Lord Tourettes' bleeding decapitated head.)
Maroon: Doth she have big boobs?
Cerulean: Fo sho.
Maroon: Then make haste!
(Cerulean and Maroon approach the "castle".)
Cerulean: Ah! The fair maiden! Maroon, cover me!
Maroon: (low voice) You have my bow.
(Maroon wields a bow. Cerulean runs to the castle and starts to climb on it. A wooden window opens and a guard approaches. He first throws a rock at Cerulean.)
Cerulean: Ah! (Dodges the rock by lowering his head.)
(The guard then throws an axe at him.)
Cerulean: Whoa! (Dodges the axe)
(The guard throws a sword, plus 2 ninja stars at him.)
Cerulean: Ah! Aaah! (Barely dodges the weapons)
(The guard finally throws some black acid at Cerulean)
Cerulean: OH SHIT! Help! Help!
Maroon: I got your back!
(He fires an arrow with the bow and hits Cerulean in the back.)
Cerulean: Gaaah! You got my back!
Maroon: That's what I said!
(Maroon fires another time and hits Cerulean again on his back...)
Cerulean: A-! What the hell?! COME ON! Stop firing arrows!
Maroon: (suddently armed with a crossbow) Whoaa, I found a crossbow!
(Maroon fires two arrows with the crossbow and misses the guard. He then fires another arrow and hits the guard in the head, which he falls off.)
Cerulean: Aaaah... finall-- (An arrow hits him in the back.) AAAAAGH!! GOD, DAMN IT!!
Pinkcess (Pink): Blue! I've been waiting here for, like, four hours! This is worse than our first date!
Cerulean: Wait...seriously?
Pinkcess: I'm going home!
(Time lapses. It then shown that it was all a role-playing game. They are in their apartment with a board game.)
Pink: Call me when you're done playing with your wand. (Leaves with her purse.)
Blue: Uh H--Wait, Pink! Come back! (door shuts as he sighs)
Red: How dare thee ruin D&D night, wench!
Blue: Roll for sadness...(rolls the dice), critical fail... (He dunks his head on the table in despair.)
Red: Condolences, brother. But as King Richard Figures once quoth: " Man, she's a BI--"
-Episode ends-
Dick Figures Title[]
Role Playa's
- The first time that the title's name change the word dick to another name.
- Text was made to resemble the Old English style.
Trivia[]
- A short titled "He Who Shall Not Be Maimed" was made to promote this episode.
- The narrator's voice from the beginning of the episode is the same voice as the narrator from the Modern Flame War 3
- It shows Red and Blue are ambidextrous because in the story book they are holding their sword and wand, respectively, in their right hands but when Blue lifts his wand and Red lifts his sword, they use their left hands.
- Although the narrator calls them Maroon and Cerulean, they are called Red and Blue by Lord Tourettes, although this could be his disorder as Cerulean said "Maroon, Cover Me!".
- The Wilhelm scream can be heard when Red shoots an arrow at the ninja.
- Lord Tourettes makes his debut in this episode.
- Pinkcess' tower looks like a penis.
- The bushes on the side of the tower represent testicles.
- Red says "You have my bow.". This is based on the first Lord of the Rings film where Legolas says the same to Frodo when he joins the fellowship.
- This is one of the favorites episodes of the creators of Dick Figures, Ed and Zack, confirmed in the Dirty Shorts interview with them.
- King Richard Figures the Longshaft is a reference to King Edward the Longshanks .
- Pink says that was worse than their first date obviously refering to Trouble Date.
Recurring Gags[]
Episode Ending[]
The word KING RICHARD FIGURES is written in cursive with the shows theme song playing, Lord Tourettes' laughter is heard in the episode selection. (Richard is sometimes shortened to 'Dick', hence the pun.)
Red Floating[]
None.
Auto-Tune Use[]
None.
The Last Line Being Cut[]
Red saying "bitch".
Gallery[]
