|Season 4, Episode 1|
|Air date||April 5, 2012|
|Episode run time||2:47|
Kung Fu Winners
Losing Streakers is the first episode of Season 4 and the 31st episode of Dick Figures.
A gambling roadtrip to win rent money turns into a wild, winner-takes-all night of drunken, pooping, streaking buffoonery.
(Red is driving alone in a car & excited.)
Red: Sal Sagev! Whoo! (Looks up.) How you doing up there?
(Blue is tied up on top of the car, screaming & struggling.)
Blue: I DON'T WANNA GO, YOU ASSHOLE!
Red: Crap city!
(The car passes a sign into Sal Sagev. Under it, a woman has sex with a man just before another man shoots him to take his place with the same woman. The next scene shows that 3 people were road-killed by the car before it crashes into a lamp post with Red & Blue completely unharmed in front of a casino.)
Blue: Dude, we have 10 bucks & rent is 1,000! There's no way we'll get it all here!
Red: Blah blah blah. Shut yer face! Let's do it! (He cartwheels away at the same time leaving a cloud of his fart, which Blue gags on.) Whoo!
(Red rushes up to the yellow employee at a roulette table to gamble their last $10)
Red: Put it all on Red, big fart!
(Blue tries to stop Red.)
Blue: Don't listen to him he doesn't represent me!
Red: (Red pushing Blue away) Don't listen to him he's a big piece of shit!
(The table spins & the ball lands on number 35 in the black section.)
Yellow employee: (Deep demonic voice with flames in the background.) HOUSE WINS!
Red: Beep boop boop we're fucked.
(Blue is enraged.)
Blue: That was our last $10!!!
Red: Hey can I borrow $10?
Blue: Are you even listening to me!?!
Red: Hey can I borrow $20?
Blue: YOU'RE RUINING MY LIIFE!!!
(Red is suddenly surrounded by 3 women & holding a bottle of vodka)
Red: I'm gonna go ruin my liver. See you in the hospital fat ass!!
(Red is then carried away by the 3 women)
1 of the 3 women: So sticky.
(The women bring Red to another game with 2 posh women & a man along with a grey employee.)
Grey employee: Ahh sir, do you know how to play Craps?
Red: (Red jumps on the table then squats.) I play every day. (The posh man & woman along with the Grey Employee watch as Red takes a shit on the table.) Craps is the shiiiiit!
(Red starts making fart sounds as the smiles on the 3 slowly turn into frightened looks. Shit splats in their faces.)
Posh man: My wor...(Red then shits in the man's mouth as he speaks & on the eye where his monocle once was.)
(Red heads to the bartender.)
Red: Yo barkeep! Give me a--
(Shows Lord Tourettes watching a stripper.)
Lord Tourettes: RED HEADED SLUT! Yo, Freckle, pick that 20 up in your-
(Shows Red with a bottle forcing Blue to drink it as Blue is held down by 2 women.)
Red: Pussy! Drink that juice down.
Blue: This is gasoline you--
(Shows Mr. Dingleberry in his car. )
Mr. Dingleberry: Asshole! Get out of the road!
(Red is shown running across the street with his dick out, but it is censored with a black rectangle.)
Red: Whoo! I'm sexy and I know it!
Mr. Dingleberry: Eeeehhh. That man has a humongous--
(2 women are shown back at the casino.)
Peach woman: (masculine tone) BALL SACK.
Magenta Woman: What?
Peach woman: That's what I said, I never actually seen a guy's (masculine tone) BALL SACK.
Magenta woman: It's no big deal. It just looks like a (masculine tone) BALL SACK.
(Red's really drunk & approaches a slot machine with a drink. Blue approaches as well.)
Blue: Dude, I think the cops are coming!
Red: (singing) Whatdya gonna do? Whadya gonna want when they come for you? GHOST BUSTERS!!!! (puts the glass to the slot machine) Hey robo-dick! Give me my money back!
Blue: It's a slot machine, retard. It's not gonna talk back.
(The Auto-Tuned Bee appears & flies into Red's mouth, who gags.)
Red: (Auto-Tuned) That's more like it! Hey robo-cock, give me my motherfucking money back!
Slot machine: (robotic voice) Hey there, Red. Long time no see.
Red: (Auto-Tuned) Hey, machine friend. How's yo mama?
Slot machine: She's been sad since you left her high & dry... Father.
Red: (Auto-Tuned) Zero! Wha-ha-ha--ha-ha-hat?
Slot machine: Oh, why did you up & leave us, Daadyyyyyy?
Red: (Auto-Tuned) Shh...shh...shh...shhhhh. Papa couldn't pay for child support. (hugs the slot machine)
Slot machine: Noooooooo. (goes out of power)
Red: (Suddently, no more Auto-Tuned) I remember when you were just a little tamagotchi. (Vomits onto the slot machine, as it shoots out a lot of money.)
Blue: Oh, FUCK, we are rich!
(Red lies past out on the machine with crossed eyes as a pair of 8-bit sunglasses descend over Red's eyes while "Bath Rhymes" plays. "DEAL WITH IT" appears under Red & the music stops.)
(Time lapse. Red & Blue are driving away with their money.)
Blue: That was horrible. (Falls back on his seat) Let's never do that again!
Red: (normal voice) You're right. We're never going to Sal Sagev again. (Stares out ahead and then his arms smash through the window and roof of the car.) VIVA LAS VEGAS!
(Blue screams as they pass the sign into Las Vegas where another man & woman are having sex.)
Masculine voice: (off-screen) BALL SACK .
Dick Figures Title
Same as the first episode of the first season, A Bee or Something.
- This is the first episode of season 4.
- This is the first episode to have a password in order to watch it early.
- First time Red displayed his penis or ball sack, but is covered by a censor bar.
- The second episode to show someone actually having real sex. First time was in We're Cops! with Red and the female cop at the end.
- Sal Sagev Adaven is backwards for Las Vegas Nevada.
- Contrary to popular belief, prostitution is legal in parts of Nevada, but illegal in Las Vegas.
- Lord Tourettes seems to like to spend his time at strip bars, like he did on We're Cops!
- After Blue says to Red that the cops were coming, Red drunkenly sings part of a song called "Bad Boys" by Inner Circle.
- Red mixes up the songs for Bad Boys and Ghost Busters.
- This is the Auto-Tuned Bee's 5th appearance.
- The Bee flies into Red's throat again giving him the auto-tune voice.
- The slot machine sounds similar to the aliens in Planet Asshole.
- The auto-tune voice seems to grant a person the ability to communicate with machines.
- This is Red's second time getting drunk on camera.
- Red referenced the song "I'm Sexy and I know it" by LMFAO when he was running around naked (clue: black rectangle).
- This is the second episode, since A Bee or Something to feature the text at the end sequence without changed "I"s.
- Red just says that is Soda Machine's father because he was drunk.
- It was possible to see this episode before it was officially released on April 5th. Making the second to do this, the first being Modern Flame War 3.
- Some parts show that they're finishing each other's sentences.
- This is the first episode where the Auto-tuned Bee doesn't speak at all.
- The first woman having sex is unphased when a man shoot's the one having sex with her meaning it's a daily occurrence.
- This is the first episode to not have a variation of the Dick Figures title at the end of the episode as episodes do not have title variations onwards.
Red swallows the bee and begins talking to the slot machine.
Normal letter I's.
The Last Line Being Cut