Panda Hat
Season 1, Episode 2
Panda Hat 81
Red's birthday goes off the rails.
Air date December 2, 2010
Episode run time 2:25
Episode guide
A Bee or Something
Flame War


A severly drunken Red spends his birthday in a bar where he wreaks all sorts of havoc.

Youtube Description: Red got drunk in a bar and made a birthday party by him own self! Whoooooooooo!

Dick Figures - Panda Hat

Dick Figures - Panda Hat



Minor Characters


(At a bar, Red chugs a bottle of beer while on top of a table. His eyes are pink, as he's drunk. Blue then walks up.)

Blue: ♪Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday from Blue!♪ Aaand you're drunk.

Red: (breathes in deeply, then leans forward quickly, breaking a few bottles beside him.) BLU-UE!!!!

Blue: How's the, uh, birthday?

Red: (drunk) You're not even... (mumbles)... with the panda hat.

Blue: Oh, yeah? Cool...

Red: Ah ah! (drunk, he goes down the table, stands back up, and embraces Blue.) Heh-hey, Blue.

Blue: What?

Red: Blue!

Blue. What?

Red: BlueBlueBlueBlueBlueBlueBlue...

Blue: What?

Red: Listen.

Blue: What?

Red: Listen. Blue listen.

Blue: What?!

Red: Listen.

Blue: WHAT?!

Red: (deep voice)LISTEN! (drunk) I love you! I wanna...let's...(mumbles)...let's grow old together in every way!

(deep voice, background blazes.) EVERY WAY! (The background goes back to normal.)

Blue: (trying to leave Red) 'Kay...

(Disco ball drops down next to Red & Red starts to dance.)

Red: Dance party fo Red!

(Red crashes into the glass fragments from the bottles earlier. Red gets up with the fragments stuck on him. Disco ball disappears.)

Red: Yeah! HEY, LAAADIIIIIIIES! (Runs off.)

Blue: Eh, fack!

Red: (sprints up to a woman) Hey, baby, knock knock, who's there, sex, sex who, sex with me, BOOM! (black sunglasses suddenly pop out in front of his eyes & he strikes a pose.)

Woman: Aw, that's so romantic! Call me--

Red: Whatever! (Walks away.)

Blue: Oh, my God, dude, what happened?

Red: I know, right! What a piyaaaammp!

(Clip quickly rewinds to when Red spoke to the woman.)

Red: (drunk) Hey, blehblehboobleblebloohehe! Ahahahahahahahah!! ...Knock knock.

(The woman angrily breaks her beer bottle on the countertop. Red ends up having a broken bottle on his head.)

Blue: Wow, dude, you're really drunk. (Removes the broken bottle on Red's head. Blood's visible on the tips.) I gotta get you home.

Red: (drunk) YEAH, RIGHT! I'm fine! I ain't never puked from throwin' up!

Blue: You mean drinking?

Red: (breathes in) (low voice): Drinking! Drinking! Drinking! Drinking! Drinking! (Walks off.)

Blue: Red! (groans)

Woman: (groans) Men are such pigs.

Raccoon: I can go all night-a, baby. I'm-a nocturnal. (Growls seductively.)

(Time lapse. Red talks to his reflection in a mirror.)

Red: (drunk) You don't know meh!

(Time lapse. Red talks to himself. The bartender observes him.)

Red: (drunk) Is this real life? Now?

(Time lapse. Red's lying on the floor.)

Red: (drunk) My eyes are puzzle pieces!

(Time lapse. Red seems to be talking to someone.)

Red: (drunk) Let's grow old together in every way! ...Except for the gay way!

(Camera zooms out, showing that Red is talking to a toilet. He dunks his head in the bowl & flushes.)

Blue: It's time to go, dude. You're making out with that toilet pretty hard.

(Red pulls out his head from the toilet.)

Red: Your mom's making out with that post! YEAH! leave her outta this!

Red: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuugh... (his stomach becomes wavy)

Blue: No! Nooooooooooo!!

(Video slows down, deepening everybody's voice.)

Red: Urrruuuuugh!

Blue: Noooooooooooooo!


Blue: Are you kidding me?!

Red: YEeEE-(Video speed's back to normal. Red begins to vomits on Blue.)


Red: I DON'T KNOW! (Continues to vomit on Blue. Eventually, Blue lies down.) You don't know where I've been-

(Red vomits on Blue once more.)

Blue: I hate you! (Red laughs.) I hate you sooo mu--!

-Episode ends-

Dick Figures Title

Dick Figure 13

Panda Hat

  • Two of many alcoholic beverages Red has had before Blue came to Red's lonely Birthday Party.
  • Dedicated to Red's drinking.
  • The Bottle could have been the one broken and thrusted in Red's head.


  • When Red tells a knock-knock joke to a woman, his hat is missing.
  • This is one of the only episodes where the words "shit" and "fuck" are not used (as well as Camp Anarchy, Sex Marks the Spot and Das Vidiamond), although Blue says, "Fack".
  • On the bathroom stall, Red wrote graffiti that says: "Make that ass crap " which is what Raccoon said in A Bee or Something. But it said "-R" which meant it could have been Red or Raccoon.
  • This is the first time Red is seen not wearing his hat.

Recurring Gags

Auto-Tune Use

The bar song in the background.

Red Floating

Red floats when he says "H-Hey!"

Episode Ending

The word DICK FIGURES appears with the I's replaced by a beer bottle and a glass of wine.

The Last Line Being Cut

When Blue says "much".


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