Pussy Magnet
Season 4, Episode 2
Dick Figures - Pussy Magnet

Dick Figures - Pussy Magnet

Air date April 18, 2012 (DF Website)

April 19, 2012 (YouTube)

Episode run time 2:00
Episode guide
Losing Streakers
Taco Tuesday

Pussy Magnet is the second episode of Season 4, and the 32nd episode of Dick Figures. It was released on the Dick Figures website on April 19.


To help Blue lubricate his limp game, Red shares his three-step plan for getting foreplay started again.



(Red is shown dancing to music at the beginning, then Blue walks up & stops.)

Blue: Hey, dude, I think I need your advice.

Red: 'Sup, bitch?

Blue: Pink & I are having some problems. I'm worried I lost my game.

Red: Son, you never had game!

(Camera speeds to the left, to a greenish blue person.)

Greenish blue person: OOWWW!

(Camera speeds to the left again, to an orange person.)

Orange person: Oww, shit!

(Camera speeds for the last time to the left to an owl perched in a tree.)

Owl: N-nn

(Camera goes back to Red.)

Red: I'm like a puss maaagnet!

(A small kitten is shot into the back of Red's head)

Blue: Come on man, I need your help!

Red: (Shown with 3 kittens on him this time) Nope.

Blue: You get all kinds of ladies!

Red: (shown with 7 kittens) Can't help ya.

Blue: Pleaase dude? I'll let you- Uhhh...

Red: (shown with 18 kittens, until Red knocks 1 off) Can I punch you in the face?

Blue: Ughh... Fine~ You can punch me in the f- (Gets cut short by Red, who punches him in the face & possibly knocks him out)

Red: (walks off, covered in cats, in a mysterious voice) The cats have spoken.

(Time lapse. Scene changes to a park with 2 girls sitting on a bench (with a cat underneath) & a bush which Red & Blue proceed to jump into)

Red: 1st thing you gotta do is surprise them. Ladies love surprises. Check this out! (Red jumps out of the bush with a bucket filled with water & throws it over the 2 girls) SURPRISE!!!

(After a moment of confusion, the 2 girls start french kissing. Throughout the next line, sexual sounds from the girls making out can be heard.)

Red: Alright, stay here! I'm a show you how a threesome works, yeaaahhh! (Cow bells heard in the background.) Here comes the milkman!

girls: huh?

(Back to the original scene)

Red: Alright step 2! Confidence! When you talk to mademoiselles, you got to be direct. (Red walks up to a pink-purple girl) Hey baby, pardon my French, but I wanna fuck!

Pink-purple: Oooh, French is so beautiful. What does it mean?

Red: It means: I wanna fuic!

Pink-purple: Ooh! (Red & Pink-purple start to make out on the ground) Ooh-la-la!

Blue: (All the while, the sounds of Red & Pink-Purple making out are audible) Okay, ehh... Oh no! OAGH!

Red: (off-screen as he has sex with Pink-Purple) I'll put my Eiffel Tower in your Arch of Triumph!

(Time lapse. Red & Pink-Purple have finished, and Red is looking high)

Blue: Alright, I think I've seen enough for one day.

Red: The last lesson is: You-need-to-be-suaave!

(Camera zooms on Red's hat & a whistling sound is heard)

Blue: What does that mean?

Red: It means you need a sexy hat! (whip crack, and another whistle sound, followed by zooming in on the hat)

Blue: (exasperated) I don't think a sexy hat has anything to do with it- (gets interrupted by a dark purple woman admiring Red's hat)

Purple: (To Red) Is that a hat?

Orange: (To Red) Oh, I'm so horny!

Blood orange: (To Red) Oh my God, you're so suave! (cat meows)

Red: (To Blue) So remember, all you need to do is surprise her, be confident, and get a sick lid!

Blue: (sighs) Goddammit... Okay.

(Time lapse. Scene cuts to Pink in her room on a bed reading the Hunger Games (could be Hungr Dames, a bit unclear). Pink flips a page backwards, suddenly, Blue bursts into the room wearing a sombrero.)



Pink: (Screams & pulls out a gun & shoots Blue, who falls back through the doorway) BLUE, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

Blue: The my body.

(Time lapse. Scene cuts to Blue in a wheelchair with multipule wounds & Red with kittens on him)

Red: How'd it go?

Blue: Next time, I'm asking Lord Tourettes.

(Lord Tourettes appears from the side of the screen)

Lord Tourettes: Oh-hohoho! You know, all you really need is a biiig DI-

(Episode End)

(After credits)

Blue: (In a wheelchair) Figures.


  • The episode begins in the same place it began in the very first episode, A Bee or Something.
  • It's unknown where the bucket of water came from.
  • Red's hat seems to be what attracts women.
  • This is the 1rst episodes Blue got shot by someone.
  • This is the 3rd time Blue asks Red for help.
  • It's also unknown where Pink got the handgun from, or why she has one in her bed.
  • Usually 'Pussy Magnet' refers to something that attracts women, but in this case, Red attracts both women & kittens.
  • Red's hat can be seen somewhat like a pussy magnet.
  • This is first of the two episodes to have a homosexual moment when the 2 girls Red surprised started french kissing. The next episode to show homosexual moments were during the events of "Taco Tuesday", in the LEZ sorority house
  • Pink's debut of Season 4.
  • This is the first episode they talk about Red's hat.
  • 2nd episode Red punches Blue in the face.
  • This is the 1st episode to have cartoon kittens & an owl.
  • This is the 3rd time where there's an extra clip after the ending.
  • This is the 1st & probably the only episode Pink shot Blue with a gun.
  • Pink likes the Hungr Dames, which is a parody of the book; The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.
  • This is the 3rd episode since A Bee or Something that has unchanged I's at the end of an episode.
  • 1st time Blue has asked Red for actual advice.
  • This is the 1st time Lord Tourettes gets the last word (Dick before the credits).
  • Seems like no girls here understand any other language than English.
  • In this episode it shows that cats love Red while Red loves them back showing he has a soft spot for cats.
  • This is the only episode so far when the logo was spoken in the series.
  • On the Dick Figures website it's just called Puss Magnet (without the y).
  • Blue received more injuries than a shot to the chest.
  • The "homosexual moment" shown in this episode was more bisexual, since the women probably let Red turn their make-out session into a threesome.

Recurring Gags

Auto-tune Use


Floating Red

When Red tells Blue that he "never had game", Red floats on the 'had'.

Episode Ending

Normal letter I's, but a major change. The Dick Figures logo shakes, and the Episode Ending is dextended.

The Last Line Being Cut

When Lord Tourettes tells Blue that all he needs is a "Big DI-" Then the ending music plays, and Blue is shown saying "figures."


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