| Pussy Magnet | |
|---|---|
| Season 4, Episode 2 | |
 Red teaches Blue how to be sexier. | |
| Air date | April 18, 2012 (DF Website)
April 19, 2012 (YouTube) |
| Episode run time | 2:00 |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Losing Streakers |
Next Taco Tuesday |
Dick Figures - Pussy Magnet
Pussy Magnet is the second episode of Season 4, and the 32nd episode of Dick Figures. It was released on the Dick Figures website on April 19.
Synopsis[]
To help Blue lubricate his limp game, Red shares his three-step plan for getting foreplay started again.
Characters[]
Supporting[]
- Many Girls
- Pink
Minor[]
Transcript[]
(Red is shown dancing to music at the beginning, then Blue walks up & stops.)
Blue: Hey, dude, I think I need your advice.
Red: 'Sup, bitch?
Blue: Pink & I are having some problems. I'm worried I lost my game.
Red: Son, you never had game!
(Camera speeds to the left, to a greenish blue person.)
Greenish blue person: OOWWW!
(Camera speeds to the left again, to an orange person.)
Orange person: Oww, shit!
(Camera speeds for the last time to the left to an owl perched in a tree.)
Owl: N-nn
(Camera goes back to Red.)
Red: I'm like a puss maaagnet!
(A small kitten is shot into the back of Red's head)
Blue: Come on man, I need your help!
Red: (Shown with 3 kittens on him this time) Nope.
Blue: You get all kinds of ladies!
Red: (shown with 7 kittens) Can't help ya.
Blue: Pleaase dude? I'll let you- Uhhh...
Red: (shown with 18 kittens, until Red knocks 1 off) Can I punch you in the face?
Blue: Ughh... Fine~ You can punch me in the f- (Gets cut short by Red, who punches him in the face & possibly knocks him out)
Red: (walks off, covered in cats, in a mysterious voice) The cats have spoken.
(Time lapse. Scene changes to a park with 2 girls sitting on a bench (with a cat underneath) & a bush which Red & Blue proceed to jump into)
Red: 1st thing you gotta do is surprise them. Ladies love surprises. Check this out! (Red jumps out of the bush with a bucket filled with water & throws it over the 2 girls) SURPRISE!!!
(After a moment of confusion, the 2 girls start french kissing. Throughout the next line, sexual sounds from the girls making out can be heard.)
Red: Alright, stay here! I'm a show you how a threesome works, yeaaahhh! (Cow bells heard in the background.) Here comes the milkman!
girls: huh?
(Back to the original scene)
Red: Alright step 2! Confidence! When you talk to mademoiselles, you got to be direct. (Red walks up to a pink-purple girl) Hey baby, pardon my French, but I wanna fuck!
Pink-purple: Oooh, French is so beautiful. What does it mean?
Red: It means: I wanna fuic!
Pink-purple: Ooh! (Red & Pink-purple start to make out on the ground) Ooh-la-la!
Blue: (All the while, the sounds of Red & Pink-Purple making out are audible) Okay, ehh... Oh no! OAGH!
Red: (off-screen as he has sex with Pink-Purple) I'll put my Eiffel Tower in your Arch of Triumph!
(Time lapse. Red & Pink-Purple have finished, and Red is looking high)
Blue: Alright, I think I've seen enough for one day.
Red: The last lesson is: You-need-to-be-suaave!
(Camera zooms on Red's hat & a whistling sound is heard)
Blue: What does that mean?
Red: It means you need a sexy hat! (whip crack, and another whistle sound, followed by zooming in on the hat)
Blue: (exasperated) I don't think a sexy hat has anything to do with it- (gets interrupted by a dark purple woman admiring Red's hat)
Purple: (To Red) Is that a hat?
Orange: (To Red) Oh, I'm so horny!
Blood orange: (To Red) Oh my God, you're so suave! (cat meows)
Red: (To Blue) So remember, all you need to do is surprise her, be confident, and get a sick lid!
Blue: (sighs) Goddammit... Okay.
(Time lapse. Scene cuts to Pink in her room on a bed reading the Hunger Games (could be Hungr Dames, a bit unclear). Pink flips a page backwards, suddenly, Blue bursts into the room wearing a sombrero.)
Blue: PINK I LOVE YOU!!
PINK I LOVE YOU!!!
Pink: (Screams & pulls out a gun & shoots Blue, who falls back through the doorway) BLUE, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!
Blue: The bullet...in my body.
(Time lapse. Scene cuts to Blue in a wheelchair with multipule wounds & Red with kittens on him)
Red: How'd it go?
Blue: Next time, I'm asking Lord Tourettes.
(Lord Tourettes appears from the side of the screen)
Lord Tourettes: Oh-hohoho! You know, all you really need is a biiig DI-
(Episode End)
(After credits)
Blue: (In a wheelchair) Figures.
Trivia[]
- The episode begins in the same place it began in the very first episode, A Bee or Something.
- Usually 'Pussy Magnet' refers to something that attracts women, but in this case, Red attracts both women & kittens.
- Pink likes the Hungr Dames, which is a parody of the book; The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.
- This is the 1st time Lord Tourettes gets the last word (Dick before the credits).
- This is the only episode so far when the logo was spoken in the series.
- On the Dick Figures website it's just called Puss Magnet (without the "y").
- This is the shortest episode of Season 4, being one second shorter than "Ocho Muerte".
Recurring Gags[]
Auto-tune Use[]
None.
Floating Red[]
When Red tells Blue that he "never had game", Red floats on the 'had'.
Episode Ending[]
Normal letter I's, but a major change. The Dick Figures logo shakes, and the Episode Ending is dextended.
The Last Line Being Cut[]
When Lord Tourettes tells Blue that all he needs is a "Big DI-" Then the ending music plays, and Blue is shown saying "figures."
Gallery[]
