Real Dudes Bros Night Man | |
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Season 3, Episode 2 | |
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Air date | October 6, 2011 |
Episode run time | 3:52 |
Episode guide | |
Previous Adventures of Batman & The Bloser |
Next Terminate-Her! |
Dick Figures - Real Dudes Bros Night Man
Real Dudes Bros Night Man is episode two of Dick Figures Season 3 and the twenty-third overall.
Plot[]
On poker night, Red, Blue and the gang all prove that manliness isn't measured in inches, but in epic tales of man-might and cocksmanship.
Characters[]
Starring[]
Minor[]
- Bear
- Prostitutes
Transcript[]
(Red, Blue, Lord Tourettes, Raccoon & Mr. Dingleberry play poker in a round table. Red drinks a can of beer, then Broseph opens the door unexpectedly.)
Broseph: Yo, dudes! Guys night! This is like, crazy right? Alright.
Red: What? Dude, who invited this guy?
Blue: He invited himself.
Red: What a mooch!
(Broseph sits at the table)
Broseph: So what are we playing, ladies? Uno?
Blue: (groans) Hold' em 2 Cards Tanklan Buy In.
Broseph: Right on, right on. So is that like Uno or what? (Drinks beer.)
Red: Uno?! Real men play poker, yo!
Broseph: You saying I'm not a man, bro?! I'm, like, way more manly than you!
Red: Oh, yeah? Prove it, little girl. Manliest man gets the whole pot.
Broseph: Ha, way easy, brah! (Broseph is shown in a gym with extremely large muscles) This 1 time I was, like, at the gym (Shows him benchpressing a bench), then I got down there & bench lifted, like (large barbell appears) 250 pounds! No, no, like, 250 PEOPLE, bro! (250 people are stacked up on the barbell) Like, strippers (the people turn into strippers on a pole) It was so sick, I was like, "No big deal, I got like a good 100 reps," it was chill. (Back in real world) -And I, like, maintained a perfect boner the whole time.

"And I, like, maintained a perfect boner the whole time."
(Red suddenly pulls out a gun & shoots Broseph as he briefly says: "Oh dude!" after a brief awkward silence.)
Blue: Oh yeah, Well, this 1 time, (shows Blue playing an RPG game) I did a 24-hour dungeon crawl using no armor, no magic, and only a Level 1 sword to kill 1,000 fire dragons. And then, I collected all their loot & bought a fuckin' griffen! (Griffen flies to an island full of in-game Pinks) Flew to Babe-a-lonia & had sex (Blue's character penetrates a pink sprite) with all the babes in the village with my Level 12 dick, of the mighty... on a school night! Epiiic!
Red: (pretendingly clearing his throat) Neerrrd.
Blue: It was hecka manly, I was on a dial-up.
Red: So, how aboutchu, Forest Assasson?
Raccoon: (as black bars slowly close into his eyes) It was a long time ago, in ancient Japan, my country was at war & I commanded the strength of the 10,000 Hands of Justice. We were out numbered by the Takagami Demon Army, our town surrounded, I kissed my wife, for the last time, unsheathed the greatest Sword of Destiny & with it, slew 1000,100 warriors! Honorably! After the battle was won, I shattered the blade, so its great fury may never again be used on the earth.

"you're like a little bunny!"
Red: N'awwww! You're so cute, you're like a little bunny!
Raccoon: Bitchel!
Mr. Dingleberry: I remember back in '44... (World War II, Mr. Dingleberry is on a boat & soliders are prepared to fight while one is seasick & vomiting) when we landed in Normandy! (Red & Blue interrupt the story as Lord Tourettes looks up at the ceiling and Raccoon curls up on the bench)
Red: Boooring!
Blue: Oh, my God, is it over yet?!
(Somber music plays as a tear comes down from Mr. Dingleberry's eye.)
Red: (music ends) I gotcha you ALL beat!
(Shows Red's story in a badly drawn fashion.)
Red: This morning I downed a gallon of rubbing alcohol & got a bowl of hand grenades & firecrackers for breakfast before I went outside, built a chainsaw hanglider with barbwire & used it to cut a Siberian Tiger out in space, which I barbecued on the Sun, and after I ate its tiger ribs I scalped it, then I fought a Fire Demon from the 20th dimension & saved a monster truck full of girls and then got massaged by a thousand Brazilian supermodels on a bean bag made out of kitten fur!
Lord Tourettes: (giggles) Well, that's... pretty good...
Red: Ha! You have a manly story?
Lord Tourettes: You bet your sweet ass! (giggles) One gay day in spring, I was just FUCKING around in a field fuuull of flowers!...
Blue: (whispers to Red) This is gonna be good!
(A flashback is shown.)
Lord Tourettes: ...and colourful COCKSUCKING butterflies! I decided to make a bouquet, so I picked 100 daisies! It was so GODDAMN hard, but I did it! (giggles) Then I took the daisies to a fluffy-wuffy bear, and then I (shows Lord Tourettes humping the bear.) FUCKED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM (Shows how Lord Tourettes rips the bear's skin with is mouth, as blood pours out & then he rips his head off, drinking the blood coming out.) WHILE I FEASTED UPON HIS FLAILING BONES & FLESH!
(The flashback ends as Lord Tourettes giggles to himself.)
Blue: Ugh... guess you win.
Red: Big time.
(Mr. Dingleberry vomits on the table.)
Lord Tourettes: (Lays 4 cards on the table) Yippee-ki-ay, MOTHERFUCKER! I win!
(Three prostitutes come into the room.)
Lord Tourettes: Prostitutes! Hahaha!
(1 prostitute hands over a shot to Lord Tourettes, who downs it and belches with flames. The prostitutes start dancing.)
Lord Tourettes: Yeah, baby! Back that ass up! Hahahahaa! (while smacking the orange-pink prostitute's ass)
Blue: (in shock) What have we done?
-Episode ends-
(After credits)
Broseph: (off screen) Haha! (screen shows him with extremely large muscles) Come at me, bro.
Dick Figures Title[]

Real Dudes Bros Night Man
Trivia[]
- This also shows that Raccoon was married since in his story he said that he "kissed his wife for the last time".
- When Lord Tourettes says "Yippie Ki-Yay, MOTHERFUCKER!" , it makes a reference to the famous catchphrase from the Die Hard franchise.
- Other than the Bath Rhymes music video, this is the first episode with Mr. Dingleberry since Zombies & Shotguns.
- This episode reveals that Mr. Dingleberry is a World War II(WWII) veteran, who took part in the 1944 U.S. storming of Omaha Beach during the Normandy Breakout Campaign.
- When Red shoots Broseph, you can hear him (Broseph) saying "Whoa, dude."1
- Blue's money in the RPG GAME IS $80085, which looks like "BOOBS".
- This is the third time Mr. Dingleberry does not die.
- The first appearance of the three prostitutes.
- As some fans noticed, Raccoon's story actually connects with Dick Figures: The Movie as both the story and the movie involve scenes with the Raccoon, such as the Great Sword of Destiny, the burning village and it killing many warriors/ninjas.
Running Gags[]
Auto-Tune Use[]
None
Red Floating[]
None
Episode Ending[]
The "I"s in DICK FIGURES are replaced by two of the three prostitutes dancing.
The Last Line Being Cut[]
None