Real Dudes Bros Night Man
Season 3, Episode 2
Dick Figures - Real Dudes Bros Night Man

Dick Figures - Real Dudes Bros Night Man

Air date October 6, 2011
Episode run time 3:52
Episode guide
Adventures of Batman & The Bloser


On poker night, Red, Blue and the gang all prove that manliness isn't measured in inches, but in epic tales of man-might and cocksmanship.



(Red, Blue, Lord Tourettes, Raccoon & Mr. Dingleberry play poker in a round table. Red drinks a can of beer, then Broseph opens the door unexpectedly.)

Broseph: Yo, dudes! Guys night! This is like, crazy right? Alright.

Red: What? Dude, who invited this guy?

Blue: He invited himself.

Red: What a mooch!

(Broseph sits at the table)

Broseph: So what are we playing, ladies? Uno?

Blue: (groans) Hold' em 2 Cards Tanklan Buy In.

Broseph: Right on, right on. So is that like Uno or what? (Drinks beer.)

Red: Uno?! Real men play poker, yo!

Broseph: You saying I'm not a man, bro?! I'm, like, way more manly than you!

Red: Oh, yeah? Prove it, little girl. Manliest man gets the whole pot.

Broseph: Ha, way easy, brah! (Broseph is shown in a gym with extremely large muscles) This 1 time I was, like, at the gym (Shows him benchpressing a bench), then I got down there & bench lifted, like (large barbell appears) 250 pounds! No, no, like, 250 PEOPLE, bro! (250 people are stacked up on the barbell) Like, strippers (the people turn into strippers on a pole) It was so sick, I was like, "No big deal, I got like a good 100 reps," it was chill. (Back in real world) -And I, like, maintained a perfect boner the whole time.
Picture 1

"And I, like, maintained a perfect boner the whole time."

(Red suddenly pulls out a gun & shoots Broseph as he briefly says: "Oh dude!" after a brief awkward silence.)

Blue: Oh yeah, Well, this 1 time, (shows Blue playing an RPG game) I did a 24-hour dungeon crawl using no armor, no magic, and only a Level 1 sword to kill 1,000 fire dragons. And then, I collected all their loot & bought a fuckin' griffen! (Griffen flies to an island full of in-game Pinks) Flew to Babe-a-lonia & had sex (Blue's character penetrates a pink sprite) with all the babes in the village with my Level 12 dick, of the mighty... on a school night! Epiiic!

Red: (pretendingly clearing his throat) Neerrrd.

Blue: It was hecka manly, I was on a dial-up.

Red: So, how aboutchu, Forest Assasson?

Raccoon: (as black bars slowly close into his eyes) It was a long time ago, in ancient Japan, my country was at war & I commanded the strength of the 10,000 Hands of Justice. We were out numbered by the Takagami Demon Army, our town surrounded, I kissed my wife, for the last time, unsheathed the greatest Sword of Destiny & with it, slew 1000,100 warriors! Honorably! After the battle was won, I shattered the blade, so its great fury may never again be used on the earth.
Real dude bros night man

"you're like a little bunny!"

Red: N'awwww! You're so cute, you're like a little bunny!

Raccoon: Bitchel!

Mr. Dingleberry: I remember back in '44... (World War II, Mr. Dingleberry is on a boat & soliders are prepared to fight while one is seasick & vomiting) when we landed in Normandy! (Red & Blue interrupt the story as Lord Tourettes looks up at the ceiling and Raccoon curls up on the bench)

Red: Boooring!

Blue: Oh, my God, is it over yet?!

(Somber music plays as a tear comes down from Mr. Dingleberry's eye.)

Red: (music ends) I gotcha you ALL beat!

(Shows Red's story in a badly drawn fashion.)

Red: This morning I downed a gallon of rubbing alcohol & got a bowl of hand grenades & firecrackers for breakfast before I went outside, built a chainsaw hanglider with barbwire & used it to cut a Siberian Tiger out in space, which I barbecued on the Sun, and after I ate its tiger ribs I scalped it, then I fought a Fire Demon from the 20th dimension & saved a monster truck full of girls and then got massaged by a thousand Brazilian supermodels on a bean bag made out of kitten fur!

Lord Tourettes: (giggles) Well, that's... pretty good...

Red: Ha! You have a manly story?

Lord Tourettes: You bet your sweet ass! (giggles) One gay day in spring, I was just FUCKING around in a field fuuull of flowers!...

Blue: (whispers to Red) This is gonna be good!

(A flashback is shown.)

Lord Tourettes: ...and colourful COCKSUCKING butterflies! I decided to make a bouquet, so I picked 100 daisies! It was so GODDAMN hard, but I did it! (giggles) Then I took the daisies to a fluffy-wuffy bear, and then I (shows Lord Tourettes humping the bear.) FUCKED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM (Shows how Lord Tourettes rips the bear's skin with is mouth, as blood pours out & then he rips his head off, drinking the blood coming out.) WHILE I FEASTED UPON HIS FLAILING BONES & FLESH!

(The flashback ends as Lord Tourettes giggles to himself.)

Blue: Ugh... guess you win.

Red: Big time.

(Mr. Dingleberry vomits on the table.)

Lord Tourettes: (Lays 4 cards on the table) Yippee-ki-ay, MOTHERFUCKER! I win!

(Three prostitutes come into the room.)

Lord Tourettes: Prostitutes! Hahaha!

(1 prostitute hands over a shot to Lord Tourettes, who downs it and belches with flames. The prostitutes start dancing.)

Lord Tourettes: Yeah, baby! Back that ass up! Hahahahaa! (while smacking the orange-pink prostitute's ass)

Blue: (in shock) What have we done?

-Episode ends-

(After credits)

Broseph: (off screen) Haha! (screen shows him with extremely large muscles) Come at me, bro.

Dick Figures Title

Dick Figure 12

Real Dudes Bros Night Man


  • It is revealed that Red, Blue, Raccoon & Lord Tourettes don't like listening to Mr. Dingleberry's past stories (Broseph was killed by Red before being able to hear the story).
  • This is the first episode involving rape.
  • It is shown that Red and Blue hate Broseph (Lord Tourettes, Raccoon, and Mr. Dingleberry didn't really show any hatred toward Broseph, nor did they even glare at him when he sat down at the table).
  • This episode reveals that Lord Tourettes can (and will) swear even without spazzing (but that might be because of his hat since his hat is the reason why he swears).
  • This episode revealed that Blue likes RPG games, which also shows that he is a nerd.
  • This also shows that Raccoon was married since in his story he said that he "kissed his wife for the last time".
  • It is revealed that Lord Tourettes isn't gay even though he is slightly feminine.
  • This is the third episode in which Broseph has appeared, and the third time that he has been killed (he was sawed in half by Red in Zombies & Shotguns, ripped in half in Butt Genie, and shot in the face by Red in this episode), which hints that he will most likely be a character that keeps coming back to life.
  • Other than the Bath Rhymes music video, this is the first episode with Mr. Dingleberry since Kitty Amazing and Zombies & Shotguns.
  • Raccoon killed ten hundred thousand hundred soldiers - 100,000,000.
  • Broseph has his biggest appearance on the show in this episode.
  • Lord Tourettes is the craziest that has ever been in this episode, and has a completely different personality once he wins the pot.
  • This episode reveals that Mr. Dingleberry is a World War II(WWII) veteran, who took part in the 1944 U.S. storming of Omaha Beach during the Normandy Breakout Campaign.
  • The only reason that Lord Tourettes won the manly story competition was because of what his Tourettes' syndrome made him say.
  • It is unclear about what made Mr. Dingleberry throw up close to the end, though the sound of Lord Tourettes' ending might have caused him to get sick.
  • This episode is the second one where Red kills Broseph.
  • Pink does not appear in this episode, but in Blue's manly story when Blue's game sprite flies to Babe-a-lonia on the griffen, all of the women game sprites looked exactly like Pink. Even the sound effects of the women moaning in pleasure sound like Pink.
  • It also seems that not only does Lord Tourettes' syndrome controls his words, but also his actions since his syndrome caused him to rape and eat the bear in his story.
  • When Red shoots Broseph, you can hear him (Broseph) saying "Whoa, dude."
  • Some fans agree that Red & Broseph made their stories up, which is most likely true, but knowing Red, his story was probably true, but not Broseph's.
  • Blue's money in the RPG GAME IS $80085, which looks like "BOOBS" if put into a calculator.
  • This is the third time Mr. Dingleberry does not die.
  • This is the third time that Red is shown to have perfect aim as, in a single second, he draws a handgun, aims, and hits Broseph right in the head.
  • The first appearance of the three prostitutes.
  • Both the Raccoon and Mr. Dingleberry are the only one with a story about war.
  • As some fans noticed, Raccoon's story actually connects with Dick Figures: The Movie as both the story and the movie involve scenes with the Raccoon, such as the Great Sword of Destiny, the burning village and it killing many warriors/ninjas.

Running Gags

Auto-Tune Use


Red Floating


Episode Ending

The "I"s in DICK FIGURES are replaced by two of the three prostitutes dancing.

The Last Line Being Cut


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