Season 1, Episode 5
Dick Figures - Steakosaurus

Dick Figures - Steakosaurus

Air date January 13, 2011
Episode run time 3:11
Episode guide
Traffic Jams


Red and Blue decide to feed themselves the old-fashioned way - hunting, killing and time-traveling.


Minor Characters


God "I can't hear you!!"
This article/section is typed directly as it is represented from the series and therefore may have spelling errors. Please do not correct these except IF and only if there are major spelling errors or if it's not pronounced that way.

Red: I want, to eat, a dinosaur!

(He & Blue are out of food in the kitchen.)

Blue: Not this again.

Red: I'm so hungry! (Deep voice) I need to eat the biggest animal ever!

Blue: You know dinosaurs are extinct, right? They're not, like, here anymore...

Red: Hmm. Explain.

Blue: No.

(Time lapse. They approach an ancient shop.)

Red: Waiwaiwaiwaiwaiwaiwai, (deep voice) wait. (Normal voice) So you mean they're not even zombies, they're, like, for realsies dead?

Blue: (annoyed) Yes.

Red: Well, looks like we need a time machine!

Blue: Those don't exist either!

Red: You don't exist! YESSSSS! ( floats into the store )

(Time lapse. Red & Blue stand before the Raccoon, who laughs heartily.)

Raccoon: So you want to travel to a forgotten time?

Red: Yeah.

Raccoon: You could forever alter the course of history!

Red: Yeah.

Raccoon: You know it is very dang-

Red: Yeah, yeah, yeah, here's 50 bucks.

Raccoon: ...It's in the back.

(Time lapse. Red & Blue are inside the time machine.)

Blue: Hmm, ahh. I don't know if this seems structurally sound; it says 'Made in China'...

"Here's 50 bucks!"

Red: HIT IT!

(Light flashes and they travel back in time and they reach 1930.)

1930's Man: Well, isn't that a hoot?

Blue: I don't think we went back far enough.

(They travel back in time again & they reach Medieval times, specifically 1462.)

Medieval Knight: Lok'tar! Witchcraft!

(They travel back in time again to Egyptian times.)

Pharoah: The fuck?

Blue: Just turn it to dinosaur!

Red: Oh, yeah.

(They travel back in time again, now to the time of the dinosaurs.)

Red & Blue: Whoahhh...

(They see all types of dinosaurs.)

Blue: Oh, they're so big!

Red: Oh, my God, they're so delicious!

Blue: Dude, you're never gonna be able to catch 1 of those things.

Red: I'm from a million years in the future! My brain is way more gooder than thurrs! They don't stand a chance!


(Red & Blue are dressed as cavemen, yelling. They see a dinosaur & they hide behind a bush.)

Red: (in caveman) (subtitles) Oh shit-boulders! Dinosaurs!

Blue: (in caveman) (subtitles) What you going do? Attack smallest?

Red: (in caveman) (subtitles) Attack biggest!

(Throws a rock at a dinosaur. The dinosaur crushes Red with its tail.)

(Time lapse.)

Blue: (in caveman) (subtitles) What you going do?

Red: (in caveman) (subtitles) Stab with stick!

(Red approaches a baby pterodactyl in a nest to stab it with a stick, when a larger pterodactyl picks him up & flies away with him.)

(Time lapse.)

Blue: (in caveman) (subtitles) What you going do?

Red: (in caveman) (subtitles) 'Club with club!

(Red tries to attack a triceratops with a club. The triceratops eats him.)

Blue: (in caveman) (subtitles) Clever girl.

(Time lapse. A T-Rex roars.)

Blue: (in caveman) (subtitles) What you going do?

Red: (in caveman) (subtitles) Shit pants.

(The T-Rex roars again. Red runs to the time machine.)

Blue: (in caveman) (subtitles) Where going?

Red: (in English) The future! (Subtitles read "Bru greh blah!")

Blue: (in English) Alright. (Subtitles read "Alright.")

(Red travels to the future & quickly comes back wearing sunglasses and carrying a futuristic laser weapon.)

Red: Hey ugly! (A T-Rex turns to face him.) Where I come from, you're extinct!

(Red shoots the T-Rex with the laser & the T-Rex explodes.)

(Time lapse. Red & Blue are sitting at a fire eating dinosaur meat.)

Blue: I think you just killed every dinosaur in the world.

Red: And now I'm gonna eat every dinosaur in the world. Circle of life, bitch!

Blue: How is that the circle of li- What is that THING?!

(A giant meteor hits Earth.)

-Episode ends-

(After Credits)

Blue: (sobbing) I love dinosoaurs.

Dick Figures Title

Dick Figure 10



  • This episode must have been between Flame War and Trouble Date because Blue and Pink had their date within that week's time or the episodes aren't aligned.
  • The episode's name is a spoof of "Stegosaurus".
  • Red probably has demanded dinosaur meat before as Blue says "Not this again".
  • When the knight says "Lok'tar! Witchcraft!' it is a possible reference to World of Warcraft.
  • This is the first episode with the time card: ONE HOUR LATER
  • The Hieroglyphs said AS~L"
  • This is the first time Red is not wearing his hat due to nature. The second time happened in Fang Angels due to prison cloth code.
  • This episode has two references to Jurassic Park: The dinosaur sounds and the line "clever girl".
  • The music that plays at the end before Blue says "I love dinosaurs" is called "Maple Leaf Rag".
  • The dinosaur sounds were taken from the Jurassic Park franchise.
  • Red refers to the dinosaurs as the "biggest animal ever" even though the blue whale is the world's biggest animal. Red is probably too stupid to know about that.


Recurring Gags

Auto-Tune Use


Red Floating

Red floats after telling Blue "You don't exist! Yesssssssss!"

Episode Ending

The word DICK FIGURES is shown with the "I"s replaced with bones while the theme song plays, during the episode selection while fun music plays and Blue says "I love Dinosaurs" at the end.

The Last Line Being Cut


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