Taco Tuesday
Season 4, Episode 3
Dick Figures - Taco Tuesday

Dick Figures - Taco Tuesday

Air date May 3, 2012
Episode run time 2:50
Episode guide
Pussy Magnet
Ocho Muerte
Taco Tuesday is the third episode of Dick Figures Season 4 and the 33rd episode overall.


Red and Blue have an Italian lunch but can't pay the bill so they have to deliver some pizzas to some drunk bitches.



(Red & Blue are eating pizzas in a restaurant)

Blue: I just got my car washed by sorority girls. It's the best!

Red: I just got my dick washed by some sorority girls, it's the breast. (Munches down his pizza & gets a perplexed look from Blue.)

Blue: So I don't want you to get any of your shit all over my car. Especially your shit.

(Red responds to this by farting.)

Gelato Bene: Alright-a. It-a be $87.

Blue: Thanks for buying lunch, man... For once!

Red: I thought you said you were getting lunch!

Blue: What?! I didn't bring any money!


Gelato Bene: If-a you don't have-a the money, you got to work at the kitchen.

Red & Blue: What? (Red) Huh? (Blue)

Gelato Bene: Work-a in-a the kitchen!

(Time lapse. Gelato leads Red & Blue into the kitchen.)

Gelato Bene: Mama! These-a two suckerfaces, a-no pay for their meal-a.

Mama: Then you got to make-a the pizza!

Red: I'm-a too young-a to make-a the pizza!

(Blue looks at Red, with a unamused expression on his face)

Red: (To Blue) Sorry, it's really catchy.

Gelato Bene: You need to make-a 14 pizzas for these hungry drunk-a bitches.

(Time Lapse to a sorority house called LEZ, where 2 women are making out & 1 is puking.)

(Time lapse inside sorority house where 2 women in the foreground are dancing, staring at each other. A purple woman approaches.)

Purple woman: Guys, I just ordered pizza, WHOOO!

Pink woman: Body shots!

(All of the women cheer. The women in the foreground now look more sexually attracted than before)

(Back to Red & Blue in the pizza kitchen)

Blue: Okay, we can do this, we'll just roll out the dough...

Red: Yo, what's this thing do? (Drags a pizza cutter across where his fingers would be ) AAARGHHH! (Blood spurts out of his arm in a constant stream.)

Blue: (over Red's screaming)! (Screams.) You're getting it all over the pizza!

Red: (still screaming) I'm makin' red sauce!

Blue: (panics & starts putting napkins on the bloody dough) Get some napkins! Get some napkins in there! (He gags.) I think I'm gonna be sick.

Red: (looking faint) I think I'm gonna be dead. (Collapses.)

Gelato Bene: Mama mia, that's a nice-a pizza! Now you got-a 2 minuti to take it to those bitches.

Blue: Don't we need to bake it?

Gelato Bene: No, no, we never-a cook it, get out of here! (Blue walks off of the screen.)

Mama:(as sad music plays in the background) Gelato, you never make a pie that-a beautiful.

Gelato Bene: I'm sorry-a mama! (Open his arms to hug her)

Mama: Ravioli. (Crushes Gelato Bene between her giant breasts.)

(Cuts to a scene outside the diner with Red & Blue rushing into Blue's car. Red's still bleeding. )

Red: Driver!

Blue: There's no way you're driving my car!

(Time lapse. Red is driving pretty crazily.)

Blue: How did this happen!!?

Mr. Dingleberry: (On the street) Hey, guys! (gets run over by Red) aghh... (The car comes back, and Red & Blue get out).

Blue: Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck-oh fuck! 

Red: GET THE BODY!! No evidence!! Get the body!!

(Red and Blue pick up the dead body and throw it in the back of the car)

Blue: What are you doing, man?

Red: I don't know! Drive away, DRIVE AWAY!

(Red & Blue re-enter the car speeding away.)

Blue: Oh my god, that was close, we can't do that again! (The car jolts up and down & Red & Blue gasp)

(Time lapse)

Blue: Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck! (Blue grabs the body & throws it into the back of the car. The car's then shown with Blue & Red panicking, and 2 bodies in the back, as well as Red's blood over the driver's window). AAGGGHH!

(The car hits a green person)

Blue: Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck! (Red is shown in the front waiting calmly.) No, no, no, noooo! (Blue's shown putting yet another body into the back of the car. He is then shown crying while Red points out his next victim. Next he hits a tan person on the sidewalk & cooly backs up right over the body. Blue cries as he loads the body in the back while Red sits in the front calmly smoking a joint.)

Red: This is a huge problem!

Blue: Yeah, there are like 20 dead people in my car!

Red: No, I don't think we're gonna get a tip!

Blue: Well, what are we going to do?

Red: I got an idea...

(Red drives the car to the edge of the cliff, then Red & Blue jump out of the car with a pizza box, letting it fall off the cliff)

Blue: Oh, no! (The car's shadow is shown over an elementary school.) (Camera change, the shadow is now on a Baby Panda Sanctuary) OH, NO!! (Shadow approaches the LEZ sorority house.) Oh, that's fine.

Purple woman: Well... I guess there's no pizza. Like.. What are we gonna eat?

Maroon woman: Let's eat each other... Out!!

Pink woman: TACO TUESDAY!!

(The girls quickly engage in a threesome. As this happens, the sounds of other women making out are audiable)

(The car crashes into LEZ, and a large explosion occurs followed by a faint cry.)

Blue: You blew up my car, man!

(Red grabs a part of the pizza)

Red: At least we got pizza!

Blue: Ugh, dude! That's made out of blood and napkins!

Red: Pizza, pizza, mo-meatsa, banana-fana, fo-cannibalism.

(Blue has a disgusted yet terrified look on his face)

-Episode ends-


  • The pizzas that Red and Blue are eating are possibly Ninja Pizzas from Zeusbag.
  • The credits section of this episode are messed up because they forgot Pussy Magnet in it, the episodes are marked as 29, 30, 31 instead of 30, 31, and 32. And Losing Streakers is named Kung Fu Winners and finally for some reason Pleasure Cruise is in the credits even though it's four episodes behind.
  • This is probably due to Red driving.
  • In LEZ, a girl was seen who looks like Sarah Connors.
  • Red has massive amounts of blood in order to survive such blood loss.
  • Blue's license plate says Han Solo, but it was written in leet speech.
  • Blue has very little self composure to keep himself from crying a lot.
  • Gelato has a mother and owns a pizza restaurant.
  • Red's bleeding stopped quite quickly, but continues once more then finally stops.
  • A lot of force must have gone into the pizza cutter to be able to have cut Red deeply enough to sever his main veins and arteries, causing the blood to spurt out.
  • The second episode that appeared the day before it aired on YouTube. Possibly that from now on, they'll air the new episode before the daily release.
  • This is the first time a character shows cannibalism.
  • This is Gelato's second appearance of the show. The first time being shown on Pleasure Cruise.
  • This episode and Pussy Magnet are so far the only two episodes to feature homosexual moments.
    • Both episodes feature lesbians.
  • The reason why this episode is called "Taco Tuesday" (despite the episode not involving tacos) is because the pink woman in the foreground at Lez yelled out the title when all the other sorority girls started "eating each other out".
    • "Taco" can be a slang term for a vagina.
  • This is the fourth time Mr. Dingleberry died. First is Kitty Amazing, Second is Zombies & Shotguns and third is Chug-A-Chug-A-Brew-Brew.
  • Before Red drove off the cliff the music playing was from "Take My Hand" by Nick Keller.
  • Red gets strangely calm after more deaths.
  • Red may have purposely killed people that he had a grudge against.
  • At one point, Red thinks that he would be unable to get a tip. This is considered as a gag, due to two reasons, first being late delivery and second for blowing up the lesbian mansion.
  • LEZ was probably the sorority that washed Blue's car (and possibly Red's dick).

Recurring Gags

Auto-Tune Use


Red Floating


Episode Ending

Just like Pussy Magnet, normal letter I's, the Dick Figures logo shakes, and the Episode Ending is dextended.

The Last Line Being Cut



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