The Red Planet
Season 5, Episode 5
Dick Figures - Red Planet (Ep 45)

Dick Figures - Red Planet (Ep 45)

Air date March 27, 2014 (Download)
April 10, 2014 (Mondo)
April 17, 2014 (YouTube)
Episode run time 3:20
Episode guide
Dick Figures The Movie - The Song The Music Video
A Hobbit of Thrones

The Red Planet is the 5th episode of Dick Figures Season 5 and the 45th of Dick Figures.


Red and Blue win two free plane tickets in a cereal box give-away but accidentally board a rocket ship instead. They crash-land on Mars and must deal with the planet’s only, and most annoying, inhabitant: the Mars Rover.



(The Episode begins with Red and Blue getting on a Rocket Ship.)

Blue: I can't believe we got free plane tickets in a cereal box! This is the best prize ever!

Red: (floating) And finally I get to fly.

Blue: Whoa, this must be first class. There's nobody up here!

Red: I hope the Stewardess is hot, 'cuz my tray is in it's full upright and locked position. Boom.

Blue: Ew.

Captain: (over speaker) Gentlemen, this is Captain Science at mission control. Prepare for liftoff!

Blue: Oh man it's the captain! I wonder where we're going?

Captain: To Mars!

Blue: What?!

(The rocket suddenly takes off into space with Red and Blue screaming. It then pans over to an airplane next to where the rocket took off.)

Operator #1: I'm glad we're going back to Mars. I totally forgot my Sunglasses there.

Operator #2: Cha! I bet that god damn robot took it! I hate that robot!

(The waitress hands the blue operator a can and walks off.

Operator #1: I didn't know NASA was giving out free drinks and peanuts on the missions now.

Operator #2: Yeah! Man, this is a big crew. You guys out of Lotterdale?

Kid: I'm going to space camp because my parents are getting a divorce!

(Operator #1 salutes)

Operator #1: America thanks you for your sacrifice.

(The airplane then takes off into space at an alarming speed. We cut back to Red and Blue in the rocket)

Red: Whooooaaaaaaaaa! Like a G6!


Red: I wonder what this does?!

(Red presses a button to cause the rocket to start spinning rapidly, it crashes on Mars as Red and Blue jump out with helmets on.)

Red: (gasps) Whoooooaaaaaa..

Captain: Congratulations men! You've made it to the Red Planet.

Red: I'm a GOD here!

Captain: Now go complete your mission, the Rover is stuck, flip that bitch over! But flip that bitch over CAREFULLY! It cost 30 Trillion Dollars! Kay, thanks! Bye!

(Red and Blue run off and find the Mars Rover in a canyon.)

Blue: Oh my god, the Mars rover!

Red: Robo bro!

(Red rolls down the canyon repeatedly saying"Robo Bro!" and sticks a landing in front of the Mars Rover.)

Red: Nice sunglasses bro.

Rover: My future is so bright, I am scientifically obligated to wear shades, also I stole them from the stupid human nerd, (points to Blue) like this guy.

Red: Niiice! (bro fists the Rover)

Blue: Hey what gives? Aren't you suppose to be doing science out here?

Rover: Oh yeah. Hang on. Bitch.

(The Rover Robot begins scanning the area.)

Rover: I am detecting, a huge pussy!

Blue: Hey!

Red: (laughs) Dude, your alright robo bro!

Rover: Damn skippy!

Blue: Look! We gotta contact NASA. We need to get back to Earth!

Rover: Affirmative, let me deploy my communications array.

(The Rover deploys a communication ray that resents a middle finger sign and starts dancing to the music.)

Red: Oh yeah! Crank those space jams home bot!

Rover: Here, have a cold wine. (gives Red a bottle of wine)

Red: Science is great!

(The Rover starts shooting lasers everywhere and even at Blue, the plane from before crashes on Mars.)

Blue: Oh thank god! A rescue shuttle!

(The two operators come out.)

Operator #1: Hey! My sunglasses! Give those back Robo Jode!

Rover: Fuck you Steeeeeeve.

(Both operators start shooting at the Rover, who fires a laser at the operators, cutting their heads off and setting the plane on fire.)

Red: (gasps) Holy space!

Blue: Oh my god, we're stranded on MARS!

(The kid on the plane walks out.)

Kid: Yaaaaay! Space camp! (head explodes)

(Episode ends.)


  • This is the second space related episode, first was Attack of the Pwns
  • The Rover Robot sounds exactly like Eulb.

Running Gags

Episode Ending

Normal letter I's, the Dick Figures logo shakes, and the Episode Ending is extended. Then a promo for Dick Figures Season 5.

Red Floating

At the beginning, where Red is floating in the Rocket.

Auto-Tune Usage

The Rover Robot speaks Auto-Tune.


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